WINTER, 2008
These innocent-looking gentlemen are Romancity!
-I want to be number one! -Stop biting me.
Beware of sudden outbursts of laughter from Drizzle When We Want!
Why don't we go snowboarding this weekend?
Mr. Kamiya was a true ahondara (boofhead.)
Stay tuned to The Gateway to Stardom!
That was a bit sudden.
-It tastes good. -You like it?
-You're right. -Cut that out.
-Quit saying "You're right." -It's not a "You're right" competition?
TOKUNAGA
Watch this.
Here goes!
The gateway for soon-to-be up-and-coming comedians!
Every day he preaches the gospel from his ahondara bible.
For some reason, it draws people to him.
He gets spare change for his efforts.
He lives each day as it comes.
CARD LOAN TOTAL DEBT: ¥120,000
-Okay, let's go! -Thank you.
He shrugs off the unimportant.
I admired that with all my heart.
My life was full of admiration for him.
You've got a gun, right?
Bang, bang, bang!
Bang, bang!
Right in your tummy.
How many months pregnant are you?
Is he five months pregnant? He must be.
You're running away?
Are you running away?!
Hey!
Huh? What's wrong?!
Maybe I wanted to be Mr. Kamiya.
Unfortunately...
I didn't have it in me.
I couldn't even make it close.
The number you are trying to--
HIBANA - Spark -
Welcome!
Can I take your order?
We'll have three beers.
And, let me see...
-Everything else here. -What kind of order is that?
-Sure thing. -She took it!
-Let's have this, too. -All the drinks on the menu.
-You'll end up bloated. -I always wanted to order everything.
And what's your order?
One serving of pickles. We'll share it, so we need three plates.
What a downgrade!
Look what you did to him.
Sorry. Three beers.
-For starters. -Okay.
Coming up!
-She was a little angry. -Of course. She's busy.
That would be so annoying.
But you're hungry, right? Order as much as you want.
Really?
So, things do change when you win a trophy in the New Star Battle!
Thanks. We'll eat as much as we can.
Want some bread?
Not now?
Mr. Roku! Are you okay?
Are you hurt?
Can you stand?
-I'll be fine. -Are you okay?
I'm okay.
Hold on to me.
This will go...
You want this over there?
You deserve this.
I get two?
What will you do with these?
-I'll fix them. -Is that possible?
Of course.
They have to be fixed.
I'll send them back where they belong:
At the center of a family.
When families gather around TVs, they come together as one.
They laugh and laugh.
They do.
I was stupid.
I didn't realize it was such a good job.
My dad owned the local electrical appliance store.
When he died,
the store closed down.
I didn't do anything to thank my parents.
So I thought:
Fixing these guys is the least I can do.
Mr. Roku, I'm going to be on TV.
Congratulations.
-Hello. -Hello.
Hello. Hello.
Hello!
-Hello. Thanks for this. -Thank you.
She's here!
Stop looking like an amateur.
-Relax a bit. -Yessir.
And greet people properly.
-Did you see her? -You're not an amateur.
Tokunaga!
Finally!
Just a minute.
-Who's that? -No idea.
-Long time no see! -Yeah.
We'll go on ahead.
Sorry.
-Wow. -What a surprise.
-We really met at a TV studio. -We did.
-You have a shoot? -Yeah.
It's our first-ever shoot.
I see.
-It's pretty crazy. -You made it.
-It's nothing big yet. -Way to go. Congratulations.
How are we for time?
-Goodbye. -One hour.
One hour? Wanna grab some food?
Really? Thank you, sir.
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
See you next week.
Goodbye.
-Let's thank him for the shoot. -Wait up, sir!
-Thank you! -Good job.
Thank you for making me funny!
I'll see you again next week.
-You're coming again? -Yes!
Are you gonna be okay?
I'm Shikatani. You can't go wrong!
You got it.
Get outta the way.
-Don't forget it next week. -Thank you!
Hey.
-Say goodbye properly. -I'm sorry.
Your act's funny.
But without the small talk, you'll go nowhere in this industry.
-Got it? -Yessir.
-...unavailable. -The voicemail has bad reception, too?
-Prr... Prr... Prr... -Hello? Hello!
-It's Pegasus. -Pegasus!
I've had enough. Thank you.
THE GATEWAY TO STARDOM!
Cut! We'll check that.
-That went pretty well. -Thank you.
-Why are your ties a different color? -Leave our ties alone.
-It's strange to see us inside the screen. -It is.
They shot us well.
The camera likes me more.
-I look... -You're too white.
Move it.
Get out of the way.
-Sorry. -Sorry.
-Play it. -Why did you sit there?
Play it. Play it!
I hate it when I get that message:
"The number you are trying to reach is currently unavailable."
It's funny.
Excuse me.
It's here!
Wow!
You've got balls, sitting in my chair and all.
-Give me a break, sir. -We're sorry.
He'll never let you forget it.
But you have a story to tell when I'm famous, right?
-Don't get carried away. -Sorry.
There's a good chance you will be famous.
All you need now is a catchy, stylish opening hook.
You think so?
I'm Shikatani. You can't go wrong!
That's it. That's what you need.
-Trust me. You should try it. -Okay. We'll make one.
We will.
Sorry we're late! We are so very late!
We are late!
-Sorry! -Sorry!
-What are you doing? -We are so sorry.
-This is how sorry we are. -This is how sorry we are.
Hear that?
-What's that sound? -His bones are cracking.
-He'd already taken off his shirt. -Shh. It's a trade secret.
You don't wear a shirt?
-He always wears a jacket and no shirt. -Really?
-It's how they dress where he comes from. -Excuse me.
Hello?
Where are you?
The planet of the future, Ganymede.
No...
Where are you?
Ginza.
You're drinking in a mighty fine neighborhood.
They have rundown bars in Ginza?
Something like that.
I see.
Where are you, Mr. Kamiya?
I'm in Ikejiri.
I was by myself, so I thought you might want to come.
I'll join you.
Yes.
From Ginza it'll take you 30 minutes or so.
Sorry. I'll be right there.
I'm leaving now.
Are you trying to tell a joke?
-I'm telling the truth. -No way!
-I saw it on TV. -What's a "bonobo"?
Excuse me.
-Can I excuse myself for the night? -You're going home?
I think I have a cold.
I wouldn't want to spread it around.
Why didn't you tell us? Go home.
Excuse me.
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
Goodbye.
-Excuse me. -Good night!
I'm going to the toilet.
Hey. You don't have a cold. Where are you going?
-I gotta go. -What's that mean?
The producer brought us here. This is a really important time for us.
-I know. -Do you really?
Even Shikatani is sucking up hard. He wants to be big.
-He's not as innocent as he looks. -I'm sorry.
I need some treatment.
Keep the change. Thanks.
Hello.
Sorry.
Little lady, beer please.
It's been a while.
It has?
Light me.
Ouch.
You got here quick.
Here you go.
-Excuse me. -Thanks.
You look good.
I'm fantastic.
Please run for governor in the next election.
You said the same thing last time.
You're acting strange.
-I am? -Yeah.
If you're calling me strange, then I must be.
-Been to Inokashira Park lately? -I go every now and then.
I went the other day.
I saw that man.
Who?
The Drum-Drum Man.
The Bright-Red-Hat Man?
Yep.
He was singing my song. Without my permission.
-You should get royalties. -You're right.
-The Drum-Drum Man. -The Drum-Drum Man.
-The Bright-Red-Hat Man. -The Bright-Red-Hat Man.
Dragon, wake up! With the sound of the drum!
-The Drum-Drum Man. -The Drum-Drum Man.
-The Bright-Red-Hat Man. -The Bright-Red-Hat Man.
-Dragon, wake up! -Dragon, wake up!
Excuse me. You're Sparks' Tokunaga, aren't you?
I loved your act at the New Star Battle. I became a fan!
Can I shake your hand?
-Thank you! -Later.
-Wait up, sir. -Can we have a photo?
The Drum-Drum Man.
Could you get a bit closer?
Say "cheese"!
I will never, ever catch up to Mr. Kamiya.
HYUGA AGENCY
We're getting nice feedback about you.
You got offers for a radio gig and a live show.
It's the first time I ever double-booked someone.
That's not a good thing.
I thought we'd get some weekly TV shows.
I guess this is what happens when you finish third.
I should've chosen the more expensive place.
You're asking too much. You've come a long way.
Your new house brought you enough luck.
They said the higher the rent, the more work I'd get.
But we have no weekly jobs.
I should've gone for the ¥250,000 place.
How much do you pay now?
¥200,000.
-¥200,000! -That's expensive.
But I'm with my girlfriend. We pay half each.
-You really pay? -Yeah, I do!
Why don't you move, too?
Good idea. If you move house, maybe you'll get that weekly show.
Yeah. If you live somewhere more expensive, you'll work even harder.
Why not try it?
Okay. Go back.
Wait. I can't see behind me.
Mr. Tokunaga!
Your refund from the deposit. I did my best.
-That'll really help. Here's the key. -Thanks.
-Thanks for having me so long. -You kept the place so clean.
I wish you'd stay here longer.
-Have you seen Mr. Tsuyama? -You mean old Roku?
I told him so many times, but he wouldn't clean up.
I'm not running a charity here, so I kicked him out.
You did...
I think I got everything. Thank you.
Your meal is over there.
Yurie said she could make it on the 12th.
What's on the 12th? We have the day off.
That's why we're having the house-warming party.
-For you? -Not for me. For you.
-Hello. -Hello.
You got Sakamoto to organize it, right?
He said there are too many guys, so I had to bring my pretty girlfriend.
-What's with that? -You haven't heard?
He's invited a bunch of people.
He's probably invited Ahondara, too.
Mr. Kamiya, you may have heard, but I've moved house.
-Your meal is ready. -Thanks.
-I wonder what bra size she has. -Cut it out.
Yes.
Where did you move?
Shimokitazawa.
That's a nice neighborhood.
Yes.
So...
I'm holding a house-warming party.
I was wondering if you could make it.
When is it?
Next week, on the 12th.
I've got work.
I see.
Sorry.
Not at all.
What are you doing?
I'm with a buddy.
Tokunaga. Come here.
I'll call you again. Excuse me.
-Let's show Mr. Satoshima. -Show what?
Our new stylish opening hook.
The one we made using his advice.
Here we go.
Hello, we're Sparks. Please enjoy the show.
Wait.
-Bang, bang, bang. -Sorry.
We haven't polished it up yet...
You have to be on the ball, or the viewers won't side with you.
You've gotta bring 'em something new.
You decide your own future.
-Sorry. -Sorry.
And your outfit...
With silver hair, you gotta be more tidy. Wear what the girls like. Be catchy.
Yessir.
Stay on the ball. Always stay on the ball.
Sorry.
Thanks for your advice!
We had an agreement. Why didn't you do it?
Nobody will laugh. It's not funny.
Hey. Mr. Satoshima's giving us advice.
Stay on the ball.
-Don't be influenced so easily. -I'm not.
All we have to be is more catchy.
Make our outfit more catchy, stay on the ball.
If you focus on the masses, it makes sense.
Enough with that. Stop doing whatever you're told.
What a day.
This place is great!
-Think so? -The floor's not tatami anymore.
-Big sister, thank you. -Eat up.
-It gets lots of sunlight. -It won't last long.
-It's so lovely and white. -White makes dirt stand out more.
Toku-chan, this place is great!
-Ow. -Are you okay?
-You shouldn't have left it there. -Don't kick it!
Sorry.
But it's so spacious, in Shimokita, for just ¥120,000 a month. Wow.
It's probably haunted.
-It's a shame about the eye contact. -Yeah.
THE NEW COMEDY STAR BATTLE 3RD PLACE
KAMIYA'S BIOGRAPHY VOL. 8
Maa-kun, take off your coat.
That's the seventh time. I'm not taking it off.
I said it that much?
-Maa-kun. -Don't call me "Maa-kun."
Big bro. Big bro!
-Not Maa-kun. Big bro, look at me. -I am.
-I'm gonna follow you forever. -Me, too.
You're creepy.
-He's the kindest big bro ever. -He's not kind. He's just gullible.
Otherwise he wouldn't hang around with that boofhead Kamiya.
Whatever.
Isn't Mr. Kamiya coming?
He's got work.
Is Ahondara okay? I heard they got into trouble again.
They were the warm-up act for a TV show,
but they got into a fight with a member of the audience.
-Really? -Yeah.
The host of the show got angry.
They ruined the whole shoot.
What'll happen to them?
It sounds like a big problem. They'll probably never be on TV.
I guess they sealed their fate at the New Star Battle.
If they did their second act properly, they'd be living in a place like this now.
Would you like some more? I'll pour it for you.
People say Ahondara is trying to create something nobody's seen before.
But at the end of the day, they're just not funny, right?
What else would you call it?
The audience doesn't laugh at their manzai.
Is that manzai?
But he never runs away from the challenge.
The New Star Battle was funny, right?
It was the funniest.
I guess it was.
I wonder what comedy is.
-Talk of the devil? -Really?
I always call him Kamiya-san.
-You never add "san." -Yes, I do.
-Right, Yurie? -Add "san" to the end of her name!
Hey!
Hold the top.
It's okay.
Put it down.
CONGRATULATIONS
-What is it? -A house-warming gift from Mr. Kamiya.
A house-warming gift? It's huge!
It's perfect.
How is it perfect?
It's just the right size.
"Phoenix."
Sparks sure are funny.
-That went well. -Thank you.
That gag worked.
That's a terrible impersonation.
You can do it.
Thanks.
I told you.
If you take my advice, everything will work out.
-You were so right. Right? -Yes.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Here goes.
Your flyers are ready!
And here's your Valentine's chocolate.
-I don't get her jokes. -It's just coffee.
-They do look better with color. -Yep.
-They're pretty. -Even the paper's different.
Nice.
It was so rough before.
Don't kiss them!
Don't kiss the hall's name!
JUNE 23, 2008
What are you doing? That's not who they are!
Hello. We're Sparks. Please enjoy the show.
We hope... you enjoy... the show...
Hear it sizzle?
I put out the embers. Mimic us if you wish.
Please enjoy the show.
Why sigh?
We've gotta do our best. Don't sigh.
What's wrong? Don't sigh!
-Hi. We're Sparks-- -We did that already.
-You hit my ribs. -We did it?
-This is crazy. -It's not.
Come back to us. Why are you acting so strange?
-Am I strange? -Yeah.
-Am I sick? -I don't know.
Do you have some kind of illness? Is something wrong?
-I feel bad. -You feel bad?
Apparently he feels bad. Tell us your symptoms.
You don't mind?
Well, lately, my heart's been thumping. It comes right out of the blue.
That doesn't sound good.
-It happens when I think about this girl. -It's called love.
It's nothing complex. You're in love. That's all.
-It only happens when I think of her. -That's what love is!
Your heart thumps 'cause you're in love.
It might be idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy--
What?!
I've never heard that before. Don't slip in diseases with long names.
-What did you say? -Idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy--
Slow down! Say it again.
-Idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy. -I don't get it!
"Love" is one syllable.
Idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy? That's 15 syllables.
"Love" is one. You're in love!
-But sometimes my pulse races. -Because you have a crush on her.
-I have idiopathic dilated crush-opathy? -It's not "crush-opathy."
It's "cardiomyopathy." And you don't have it.
-But there's more. -More of the same?
My boring old surroundings have started to sparkle.
That's love!
When things sparkle, you're in love!
-Sometimes I find myself skipping. -That's love!
When people skip, they're in love.
-And lately... I like gummy bears. -Huh?!
You only just started to like them?
-Gummy bears have started to sparkle. -That's just the sour powder on them!
It's sour. You ate it, right?
Even gummy bears that don't have sour powder on them sparkle.
There's more. I usually listen to hard-core punk rock.
-But recently I like Dreams Come True. -That's love!
-They sing the best love songs. -I like "Our Future II."
That's the best song! It's a great love song.
But it's not just music.
My favorite film is Kurosawa's Seven Samurai.
That's a classic.
-My new favorite is Sky of Love. -You're in love!
You said the word yourself! You're in love!
Sky of Love? You're in love!
It's love!
They say that girls with blood type B make a good match for boys with blood type O.
-Yeah, I've heard that. -Her blood type is B.
My blood type is O. That means we're a perfect...
You're in love!
You've become a totally different person!
Love! Love! Love!
Hey! Stop it!
Come back. What are you doing?
You're skipping!
Don't skip!
You're in love! That's what's wrong with you!
What are you doing now?
Huh?
-Yamashita. -What?
-I wonder... -What?
Do you believe in fate?
Fate?
I guess so.
You see...
I am...
-I'm in love. -He said it!
You admitted you're in love! You knew it all along!
-She loves me. She loves me not. -She loves me. She loves me not.
You're in love!
You're in love, right?
You keep on talking about love. I can't see this ever ending.
-What? -I can't see an end to this.
-Of course you can't see it. -Why?
You know what they say.
Love makes you blind.
-He doesn't eat them! -It's okay.
-No signatures, either. -It's okay.
-Wow. -Sorry about the fuss.
That was scary.
Tokunaga, your friend's here.
-Way to go. -Thanks.
It was really funny.
For you.
You didn't have to.
Seriously.
Look at all your fans.
I'll be right back.
Mr. Kamiya.
I got a reply from him for the first time in ages.
Mr. Kamiya, are you free tonight?
Hurry up. The after-party will start.
-Everyone's waiting. -Sorry.
Um...
I really have to go somewhere tonight.
Excuse me.
-It's your after-party. -Sorry.
Thank you.
You got here quick.
I didn't know you had to bleach your hair before they put the silver in.
It really hurts your scalp.
You haven't ordered yet?
Beer?
I won't eat much.
I have to go somewhere later. A friend's making dinner for me.
Excuse me!
We'll have a beer, a highball, and some pickles.
Know what a real manzai artist is?
When you boil things down,
they'd be a manzai artist even if they sold vegetables.
I respect people who arrive on time and do their act, just as they practiced.
But some guys go through life without even realizing they're manzai artists.
They don't make any fuss. They just sell good quality vegetables.
They are the true funny men.
And then...
if someone realizes how funny that guy is,
and they go on stage and say:
"I have a partner.
He was born a manzai artist, but he keeps forgetting it.
He's so stupid, he still doesn't realize.
He just sells vegetables.
Why sell vegetables?!"
If someone said that for them, they'd be a true straight man.
Unfortunately...
if you did that in real life, nobody would laugh.
So, you have to go on stage with a spirit just as true.
You have to make both kids and adults laugh.
You even have to make God laugh.
They're really good at cooking.
The other day they made...
I forget what it's called, but it tasted great.
Who is this friend?
My woman.
You're hungry, right?
Here we are.
What are you doing? Hurry up.
Hello?
Coming.
Open!
Welcome home.
It's Mr. Tokunaga.
See.
I told you we were close.
-Come on in. -Excuse me.
-Not at all. -Move it.
Let me take that.
Move it!
I'll take your bag, too.
Just put it anywhere.
Come on in. Sorry about the mess.
Excuse me.
Please take a seat.
-What would you like to drink? -Anything will do.
-Beer, please. -Beer it is.
-Let me fill your bowl. -Thank you.
-It looks delicious. -I hope it tastes good.
Don't bite me!
A koala wouldn't bite me because it was jealous that I hugged you.
You weren't hugging a koala. You were hugging me.
It was you?! Why did you bite me?
-Here you go. -Thank you.
She's a professional.
Eat up.
Here goes.
Tomato...
-How is it? -Delicious.
-What a relief. Will you have some? -Thanks.
-It tastes great. -I'm glad you like it.
-She's a great cook. -I am.
-Here you go, Sai-kun. -Thanks.
But stop calling me Sai-kun.
Why? That's your name.
But Sai-kun?
Sai-kun is Sai-kun.
Right?
-She giggles. -What's wrong with that?
Are you shy?
-It's good. -Really?
That's good to hear. Does it have enough flavor?
The Gateway to Stardom!
Eat as much as you can.
Oh, my.
It's Sparks.
Hello. We're Sparks. Please enjoy the show.
This is kinda weird.
We hope... you enjoy... the show...
Hear it sizzle? I put out the embers.
We gotta do our best. Please enjoy the show.
Why sigh?
What's wrong?
Ms. Yuki...
She seemed like someone who lived a peaceful life.
She also seemed to be very clean.
And just like another certain lady,
she laughed a lot.
As her laughter bounced off the walls,
it overlapped in my mind with Ms. Maki's laughter.
...it happens every time I think of a certain lady.
Are you serious?
That's love.
You're in love, right?
That's love!
-But it only happens when I think of her. -That's love!
In everyday life, I was a good-for-nothing.
But I could make Mr. Kamiya laugh a lot.
However, Mr. Kamiya wouldn't laugh at the man I was on stage.
In the end...
I failed.
I couldn't break free from society.
It's love! No doubt about it.
-But there's more. -More of the same?
My boring old surroundings have started to sparkle.
That's love!
When things sparkle, you're in love!
Rusty guardrails along the side of the road have started to sparkle.
That's love!
I don't like rice. When I have to eat it, I always sprinkle something on top.
-But now I can eat rice by itself. -It's love! You're sprinkling love on it!
-Lately, I like gummy bears. -Huh?!
-Who cares? -Yamashita, I like gummy bears!
Who cares?! Good for you!
-Gummy bears have started to sparkle. -That's just the sour powder on them!
The sour powder...
He didn't think twice about saying "no" to the world. He was noble.
However...
that made me hate myself.
I hated him for it so much.
There's more. I usually listen to hard-core punk rock.
-But recently I like Dreams Come True. -That's love!
-They sing the best love songs. -I like "Our Future II."
That's the best song! It's a great love song.
But it's not just music.
My favorite film is Kurosawa's Seven Samurai.
That's a classic.
-My new favorite is Sky of Love. -You're in love!
Sky of Love? You're in love!
It's love!
...you met your fate?
When you say fate, you mean... fate?
-That's the fate I mean. -So, what happened?
-I'm in love. -He said it!
You admitted you're in love! You knew it all along!
We talked about your favorite movie, but you were simply in love.
What's the point of this conversation? I can't see an end to this.
-What? -I can't see an end to this.
-Of course you can't see it. -Why?
You know what they say.
Love makes you blind.
Now I ask you all: Are you in love?
Wow.
That was really funny.
You didn't like it?
How should I put it?
I think...
you should do whatever you want.
Do whatever you think is funny.
I can't.
Maybe you're thinking too much.
Take it easy.
Just do what you feel like.
It was that unfunny?
It's not that it wasn't funny.
I mean, I know you're funny.
That's why I think you can do more.
Why don't you go on TV and do it?
If you're gonna complain...
why don't you pass the auditions and do funny manzai on TV?
You're right.
And what is that?
Your hair...
You copied me?
You copied my clothes, too?
Mr. Kamiya.
You said you'd rather die than be like someone else.
You said you didn't even want to imitate yourself.
Isn't this an imitation?
Well...
When I saw your hairstyle,
I thought it was cool.
It's an imitation.
I can't see an end to this.
-Of course you can't see it. -Why?
You know what they say.
Love makes you blind.
I tried to look like Beckham, but I ended up like Kiyoko Suizenji.
You failed to look like her, too.
TO: SAIZOU KAMIYA I'M SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY.
FROM: SAIZOU KAMIYA
IT'S OKAY. I WAS SO DRUNK, I DON'T REMEMBER A THING!
What are you doing? We're on soon.
Come on. Hurry up!
Sparks' manzai show "Pops" will start at 11:00.
Please come and watch.
Sparks' manzai show "Pops" will start at 11:00.
Please come and watch.
I wondered...
Would I ever see Mr. Kamiya again?